You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
