I just cut my nipple shaving
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
