We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
