Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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