We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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