I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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