he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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