It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
