I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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