im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
