I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
