I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So much rum. So many feels.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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