Already got asked if we're dating
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
