I feel great
I just peed on a car
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
