The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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