I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
