im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
