what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
