wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
