you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
