do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
