Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
