he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
