when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
