smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
