It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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