woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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