I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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