i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
