The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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