8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
try to milk me bitch
Randomize