Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
