My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's great music for shaving your balls
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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