So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize