why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She bit a glass in half.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
