So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
