Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
