I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
