I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
