I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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