i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
