I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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