I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
