why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
