...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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