I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
