Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
