This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
