Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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