Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
