Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
