He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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