I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
