would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
