The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
