I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
