Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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