I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
