I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she looked like the before picture.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Actions speak louder than pants.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
