just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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