wakey wakey hands off snakey
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
