i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
