K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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