So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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