If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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