Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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