Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
