the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
