well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
