We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
