I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
