i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
