u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
