I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
