yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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