i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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