Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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