I wish you could order shots online.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
